After putting together my tips to look pretty post, I decided to share some tips on confidence and self assurance, my go to every day tips you can use to feel a bit more confident. Real tips, whether you feel like an outsider or your self esteem is gradually ebbing away. I touched on it a little bit in my ‘how to glow up’ guide but I wanted to talk about it more.
This post consists of everyday, on the surface tips and does not delve in to the deep caverns of hell that social anxiety can consist of, I understand it is such a flimsy term for what it really is! I would love to extend a loving hand to anyone who is suffering and I would love to hear from you! Do send me an email any time.
Unlike beauty tips, confidence can take some time to implement and grow. The key is to be patient, take it super easy and reward yourself frequently, celebrate every success. I’m hoping these might help to get you through the day, help you to look and feel effortlessly cool when you need it the
most and to help you to be more confident at school and even help your self confidence to grow bit by bit over time. Here are some tips that you can fall back on that really helped me.
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1. Make a plan! Having a plan B makes you feel more confident. It is really true that confidence doesn’t come from ‘everything will go great’, but ‘I’ll be fine if it doesn’t’. It’s nice to have that little safety net, plan of action. Things to say in certain situations, things to keep in a secret pocket, just in case things. It makes me feel a lot more confident and means that everything is going to plan, I have a sensible coordinated response stored away and I feel ahead of my game.
2. Being prepared. This could be having the correct change on hand, making a little checklist of everything you need, a list of essentials, maybe some lines to say when your mind goes blank.
3. Act how people might expect you to act – when in doubt, fake it til you make it! Maybe adopt a persona and have it become your disguise… slowly over time, without you noticing, it will become you, it is you. It’s like having a second skin that gradually becomes your own skin.
4. Something to hide behind… when you need it, can be really helpful to ease you in to difficult situations, it helps to focus attention on something that is other than yourself and can help to ease the pressure a bit. Feeling sleepy and ill, I hate to feel like people are noticing me for it. I often use my camera or sunglasses to create that little safe space I can retreat to when I need it.
5. Your ‘you’ is valid and cool. People are so busy being conscious of themselves, they rarely question the behaviours of others. In world where you can be anything, stay true to yourself. Do things that mean things to you, even if they seem crazy, you will soon have others feeling intimidated by you! It’s so much fun to be weird and different and you will be sure to get admiration for it, plus a secret sigh of relief from others who, behind the scenes, are so relieved to have someone made something considered to be ‘out there’ seen to be okay.
6. Let’s practise. Set yourself little challenges, slowly, slowly. In a world that teaches us that interactions with real life people are unnecessary, detrimental to our personal gain, we naturally sway away from connecting with people and lose so much by doing it. It is so rare and nice to speak and gift others your attention, show them love and care, offer them a compliment, do nice things for no reason at all and help to lift others. A great idea is to practise in small ways with people you will probably never see again. If you don’t get a ‘morning’ back, that’s absolutely okay!
One good deed can go far and be wonderful for your confidence. Maybe start with small talk and build it up to specific topics you have to work in to conversation – ask someone something you genuinely wanted to know! Approach a shop assistant or ask for some free samples.
7. Wear your comfiest clothes – this might take some experimenting, invest in clothes you feel confident in, discover your feel good pieces that make you feel beautiful but also wrap you in what feels like a fluffy cloud. Disney princess gowns unfortunately only seem to be a thing for under 10s so one has to improvise… lounge pants acceptable! Yes I am rewatching Wreck it Ralph 2.
8. You are paving your way, you can never go wrong. For every situation, everything you do is really okay! Dare to use your space to rebel against and challenge the social norms and rules, in a positive, open and loving way and follow the things that ring true for you. Don’t subscribe wholly to a single thing or reject a whole thing either. Be curious about what others like and tolerate the weirdness in everything. Create new social conventions, do one weird thing a week.
9. For self assurance – self assurance can be an amazing feeling, a beautiful sense of peace that doesn’t need to be shown to everyone, it is yours only. It can be eroded by fears of not fitting in, being not good enough, late to achieve something, not able to keep up, these are so common.
For me, there is one good thing and one bad thing about these fears, one, they are all completely lies, and two, they will always come back. The only piece of evidence to these fears is a feeling or sense, perception of what we deem ‘okay’. It is a peaceful idea to replace that with trust in an entity, life itself, the mind, the universe, a faith, as these can mirror your subconscious, trust that there is a higher self or plan. Work to nourish yourself and work in harmony with what you wish to be and achieve. Practise creating your own rules. Another comfort is to find refuge in the idea that you are not at all alone in these fears.
10. Create a talking point – maybe a novelty thing like cute pencils, really amazing socks, a standout outfit can help you to generate a conversation or guide one along. Create fun talking points about things you love – and even take and wear them with you!
How did you find my tips? Let me know below! I kind of wanted to make my blog what I wanted to read when I was younger. I will happily add more as I go… check out my exact tips to be pretty overnight and how to glow up guide for more! ♡